Greed.

If we knew what knowledge was, we would slow down the rate of its acquisition. - Shaykh I.

Imagine a superstore with a huge end-of-time sale on; everything is excellent quality but it's going quick. There's not exactly a price reduction, but there are special products in stock that aren't going to be in store for a long time again (and you wonder, perhaps ever?) and so you're there. And you want to get hold of as much as possible. You can't get a trolley, because in this store they are too expensive, and would take years of investment (and you could never be bothered with those long-term payments) - so you're pretty much trying to grab everything with your hands.

The store is the city of our teachers that I'm in, and the products are the classes and the books. A trolley is basically an expanded heart that can receive knowledge easily and implement it without difficulty, but I don't have one because that takes time and training (and I've put in neither). I'm basically on a shopping spree, trying to get my hands on everything. I don't care that the instruction manual is in a different language, or that I won't even know what to do with the product once I get home; I just want it. And I keep ringing up the manufacturers with a dozen questions, per product, because I'm a confused individual. Bizarrely, my arms are longer than they should be (i.e. not in proportion with my height! - this is a fact) but they're not long enough and I can't carry everything. So I seem to be leaving a trail of goods behind me, as I try to reach for the shinier stuff on the higher shelves.

It's not working.

Last year, sat in a class with Shaykh Atabek (may Allah preserve him and his loveliness), I asked him a (fairly random) question, and he asked me: "why do you want to know?" Surprised, I gave a slow shrug of the shoulders. He looked at me taken aback himself, and said: "you don't have to know everything, you know." And the whole class burst out laughing. But somewhere within me, I knew that the firasa of the teacher had hit a mark. And I recognise that now, more than ever.

It's just greed. Give me everything, and give it to me quick.

But indeed, "innama al-ilm bi- ta`allum" - verily, knowledge is only by active learning.

No doubt, knowledge is beautiful, and should be sought, but it needs to be with tranquility and patience.

Allah forgive.