Human voices

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea.

By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown

Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

- T.S. Eliot.

Out of the comfort of the ocean of reliance and back into the minds of people and your own thoughts.

Human voices wake us, and it really is too much.

The poem I’ve quoted is absolutely epic. The protagonist (Prufrock) is this ridiculously socially inept man, whose paranoia and absolute lack of self-worth is endearing. He seeks refuge in his fantasies of swimming with mermaids because the idea of attempting to even converse with a real woman is so fearful. He is forever afraid of being mocked, laughed at, and above all misunderstood - “that is not what I meant at all” – he repeats.

Subhan Allah. We’re all struggling to be understood, but really there is no need.

قد كفاني علم ربي  

Sufficient for me is my Lord’s Knowledge [of my state].

The more I know...

The more I know of one, the less I want to know of the other. And even if I try my utmost to know of it, it becomes forbidden to me, and runs from me when I reluctantly walk towards it.

Perserverance? - ameen.

My Poverty is My Pride

People rarely take pleasure in their dependency. As a child and teenager, you are usually dependent upon your parents to feed, clothe and shelter you. If one day they decided to turn you out, you would be rather alone. Likewise, once you are at university, you are dependent on your degree to get you somewhere, and perhaps your student-loan to pay for that degree. If the university one day decided you weren’t good enough anymore, you would again be rather lost and alone. None of these dependencies are particularly pleasurable; but they are often a part of life and we tolerate them until we must, and give them up as soon as we can.

There is a dependency, and reliance, however, from which one can render great satisfaction. The total and absolute need of Allah: the realisation that you are nothing without Him, and with Him you are barely, but just about, something.

The people of spirituality translate “faqri fakhri” (my poverty and neediness is my honour and pride) not just in the literal sense, i.e. that to be (voluntarily) poor is an honourable state (which it is), but also that your neediness of Allah is your honour. It is the making of you. That’s why sujood (prostration) is the pinnacle and crux of your prayer; it is the absolute humbling of yourself before the One in whose need you will forever be. To prostrate yourself before anybody else would be humiliating, but before Allah it is beautiful, honourable. It is the one point in your day when you are living out your purpose in life. In that moment, you are saying to Allah: I need you. And not only that you need Him, but that you are glad you need Him, and thankful that you recognise that.

Our teacher recently told us, in the Realm of the Souls, when the entire creation was asked by Allah“Am I not your Lord?”, we all said “Bala!” (i.e. "of course!"). We were then commanded to prostrate; but only the believing souls did so. The unbelievers found that they could not prostrate. When the believing souls raised themselves and saw that some hadn’t been able to, they went down in a second prostration out of shukr and thanks to Allah, for having given them the ability and opportunity to prostrate. And that is one of the wisdoms in the two prostrations of prayer: the first is your fulfilling the command of Allah, the second is your thanks to Allah for allowing you to worship Him.

Because your need of Him, that is your honour.

Syria 1.

Soon in sha Allah.
I should probably remember that happiness cannot be found geographically, but rather spiritually.

Rising Above

Our teachers tell us of the angelic human beings whom we should aspire to be like, and the dangers of becoming of the animalistic kind. They remind us that this ephemeral life is merely a struggle between these two states. One is often left broken hearted thinking of those particular angels who have remained in prostration to their Lord since the beginning of time, and will continue to do so until the end of time... when they will come before their Creator downcast, and proclaim:

“O Allah: forgive us, for we did not worship You as you deserved.”

These are the beings we want to become. Absorbed for all of time in the worship of the Creator; the very purpose of life itself.

“I created mankind and jinn but to worship Me.” – Q.

How deficient are we. If I calculate the fraction of the day that I spend in the worship of God, in the seeking of God, in the way of God (or at the least, the awareness of God!) ...

Ibn Ata’illah al-Askandri so beautifully said: “If you want the door of hope opened for you then consider what comes to you from your Lord; but if you want the door of sadness opened for you then consider what goes to Him from you.”

We are inherently deficient. Mankind was named ‘insaan’ because of his ‘nisyaan’ (forgetfulness). It is our very nature to forget that which we owe to our Lord; His rights upon us, our time, our lives. It makes no sense to despair over one's nature.

But when will we (try to) rise above? – when will we rise to the Divine calling? – when will we be worthy to be mentioned in the court of the Divine Himself?

Alhamdulillah for skin.

I was talking to a lovely elderly patient today. He had a bazillion things wrong with him, but the only thing evident was his ridiculously severe case of psoriasis. He was pink all over, with skin just falling off.  He’s had psoriasis for 52 years!

I asked him to describe it for me - "at times it is itchy, tender, painful..." – he sounded like a bloke who doesn’t complain much, ma sha Allah, and said that it felt like he was pouring his heart out to me. He mentioned that sometimes he can go an entire year or two without any symptoms.

“And those years... those breaks... you’ve just got to be thankful for the mercy, you know? – small as it may be to somebody else.”

Made me want to weep a bit. May Allah grant him shifa.
May Allah make us grateful for health, in health.

Alhamdulillah.

A believer and his environment

"A true believer is not influenced by his environment,
 but rather he influences it."

[Habib Kathim al-Saqqaf]

Back to my hospital placement tomorrow, after the winter holidays. SubhanAllah, it is a thing difficult upon the self. The atmosphere is difficult to breathe in sometimes. An education system more based on highlighting how little you know, rather than how you can be benefited. The competitiveness, the ambition..

Comparatively.. sitting in class with our shuyookh, one can almost feel the touch of angels' wings as they surround us; almost see the light eminating from the words of the mouth of our teacher; the almost tangible diffusion of knowledge from teacher to student. If one could, one would stay there forever.

May Allah make all our institutions of knowledge and education enlightening, pure, and well-intended environments, and may He forever purify and increase our intentions. May we become of those righteous people who instead of being affected by the situations in which they find themselves, change those environments for the better.

One supposes that one of the purposes and intended benefits of sitting with masters of the sacred sciences and the knowers of Allah, is that they can teach you correct adab and perception in and of, non-Islamic environments. In sha Allah.

اللهم إني أعوذ بك من علم لا ينفع

O Allah: I seek refuge in You from knowledge that does not benefit.

Bismillah.

In the name of Allah, the most merciful, the most compassionate.

For the sake of barakah, we will start with the words of someone far greater than I:

To abandon all that He has fashioned

And hold in the palm of my hand

Certain proof that He loves me -

That is the name, and the aim, of my search.

[Rabi'a al-Adawiyyah]

May Allah grant us ma'rifah, and real knowledge of Him.

And may He draw us into the light.